Theresia, 71

“When Michael first approached me, I was reluctant because I was nurturing a dream to be a nun. But my father would not hear of it. In those days, parents greatly valued bride-price and he was determined to fetch something from me.

When he heard I had plans to become a nun, he threatened to beat me up. But my mother intervened and tried to smooth the edges. It took me a very long time to accept that I could not be a nun. I began to pray instead that God would give me a spiritually rich man for a husband. At about that time, Michael proposed.

But when he went to announce his intentions to my family, my father – a man who was very hard to please – was very dissatisfied because he felt Michael could not take care of me as he came from a needy background.

Michael worked hard, raised the bride-price and two years later, we got married. Our initial years were marred by poverty. We had no farm of our own and depended on our lean primary school teacher salaries, which we stretched to the last coin.

A year into our marriage we had our first child, Anne Wairimu, and in the next 16 years we had 10 more, and a miscarriage. My husband and I were staunch Catholics and so we did not use any artificial form of contraception. This put me on a collision course with the nurses and midwives at Pumwani Maternity Hospital every time I attended the antenatal clinic or went to deliver.”

In a world where more and more young people are getting married while keeping their ‘escape’ options open, Theresia says there is no secret to her long marriage.

“We have had our fights over the years, but we have not exposed them. In my day, a young wife forgave her husband often, even if the ‘crime’ was spending a night out,” she says. “But young wives today would not stand for that. So they have chosen to compete with their husbands. Every woman should realise that no matter how ‘refined’ she is by modernity, she can never run away from culture.”

Michael, on the other hand, says young men must invest their youth in developing their families. “I used my youthful years to organise my life and that of my family. I would sit down with my wife and together we would set family goals – that little act cemented our love,” he says.

The couple had a joint account and often denied themselves pleasures so their children’s education was secured. They also acquired land together. “There were times when life would get difficult, especially when our children went to secondary school. Sometimes three of them would be in the same class and I’d have to sweet talk the teachers to allow them to remain in school while I looked for money to clear their fees balance,” says Michael.

The couple says changed lifestyles have contributed to the short life span of marriages today. “An increasingly permissive lifestyle means young people rarely exercise self-control. Instead, they give in to lust without a second thought,” says Michael.

He adds that many married people lack the endurance required to face all the new challenges that characterise marriage today. Theresia says parents are also to blame: “They have not been too keen on the things that are influencing their children. And it doesn’t help that boarding school is not what it used to be.”

The couple is grateful for the years they have shared, and for their children. “I can only thank God for blessing us with children who love us so much. They have taken care of us and even this anniversary was their idea. They have done everything to make it a special occasion for us,” says Michael.